HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL AGBERO IN LAGOS

 Every discipline or career path has its unique requirements and necessary sacrifices that must be made, the "prestigious" career, popularly called "Agbero" is not left out, here are basic requirements for the esteemed job

1. You must have Oyo origin and intonation, else how do you achieve the agbero-official intonation which pronounces "change" as "senji"

2. Your tribal marks must dwarf the iyana ipaja-Yaba route in length, if you don't have some, go fight with bottles and get some

3. You must be fit, I have never seen an obese agbero, you're expected to run after a thousand danfos a day lest they "load" without paying your due, how do you achieve that in a Yokozuma body?

4. You must have the ability to brag without fight, and fight in case the handshake extends beyond the elbow, an agbero that can not scream on top of his voice looking for fellow agberos to wade into the fight, is that one an agbero?

5. You must have rings on at least two fingers, one spiritual (aluwo, alusare) and the other for fashion (how else do you expect to attract the young lady who sells paraga and opa eyin at the garage?

6. You must have up to 10 cuts from broken bottle and related fights, two must appear on your face region, you've got to let those conductors know you're not new in the game

7. Your lips must be black, dry and torn, jedi, weed and cigarettes must  have visible impacts on your lips

8. Your pronunciation must differ and should be taken from the advance Agbero highway dictionary (AAHD), you must pronounce words in brief, no time for wastage, Oshodi is "Oshod", Iyana iba is "Iyanaba", Iyana ipaja is different however, it's "iyana BAJA", emphasis on "B" replacing "P", same way San Jose sound San Hoes, innit?

9. Your average daily intake of weed must be up to ten sticks for beginners, fifteen for intermediate, twenty for advance etc. Its SI unit of measurement is in STP (sticks per hour)

10. You must have the speed of a cheetah, the stability of an hippo and the swiftness of an eagle, your memory is also important, because there are thousands of buses plying your route daily, how else would you know who has paid or not?
However, deliberately asking even when you're sure a bus has paid is allowed, it's part of the game.

Seest thou an agbero diligent in his duties, he shall stand before urchins and not gentle men!

*By Ilesanmi Iyanu Samuel*